The fuckery (Personal Rant about vanilla life)

Well, today was not one of the better days. I started My day with receiving a very rude and insulting message from a Turkish so-called man who described what he would do to Me because I blocked him on Instagram. I have a special way of dealing with situations like this, I print screen their messages and our conversation and I publicly shame them. It is highly effective here in Turkey. Talking with them is not an option because they never make anything wrong. Many men and women for that matter cannot handle a no. They throw temper tantrums and it is ridiculous to see. The world would be so much better if I could treat the vanilla people like subs. The older I get the less patience I have with stupidity and bullshit. I just want to bring them down onto their knees by grabbing them by their balls as I look them straight in the eyes. The fuckery in some people! We need military boarding schools and courses where people learn to correct their behavior.

It then went on to have a conversation with an old colleague who insisted on Me coming to Monte Negro for work. I explained that I don't want to because of health reasons My suspected PTSD is acting up and I don't want to leave My ill furlings. And again, another Turk who wouldn't respect My no.

Then I posted a personal ad in a group on FL and one of the subs threw a temper tantrum on there as well because of My ad.. From that moment, the day just continued to be more gloomy, My dog has been ill all day and it was just a really shitty day.

I normally don't have a problem being alone on Christmas but this year it is extra tough. I'm tired, and I feel alone, I need some serious TLC. I realized that when I was doing the dishes, I started crying. I feel lonely, forgotten and unloved. I'm tired of feeling like Atlas, carrying the world on My shoulders. My 2 primary love languages are when people give Me gifts and when they do something for Me, that's why I liked Mr Z. He took care of the cleaning for Me and it meant so much to come into a clean kitchen and bathroom, not having to clean the litterboxes or taking out the garbage etc. It helped Me think better and to be more creative. Now it feels like I either clean or paint or I work. I cannot do all, I cannot cope. I really need to paint, painting makes Me feel so much better and of course My walks. It is impossible to feel bad on the beach.

So I have made Myself a promise, I will not get involved with another man on a personal level unless he is able to provide for Me so I can focus on being the best Woman and leader for him and give him the very best of Me. I just want him to make My life easier so I can focus on love, sex and being happy. I need a fucking break, I have been fighting non-stop since 2009. I wish I could get at least a year off with 1200 euros every month to just destress. Knowing Me I will most likely come up with some project before the year is over but it would be so nice to be cared for and be able to breathe.
To feel loved and supported. Something seriously needs to change.

Well at least My dog is feeling better, I had some Swedish original gingerbread, marzipan, I had some hot spiced wine, and a real traditional Swedish dinner, not Christmas dinner but it was ok. I talked with 2 very dear friends from Sweden who made me feel a bit better. Hopefully, I will have some visitors coming in January that might lead to something.

I genuinely wish you all a much better Christmas than I had. If you have a relative living abroad/far away, reach out to them, it means so much!

Stay blessed.
~ Lady Blaze 💋